It appears that the “Sh** [Blank] Says” video meme has finally died off.

“Thank goodness,” exclaim many internet users. But their preponderance inspired Philip Dawkins to write a few very carefully chosen words on the use of inappropriate language in this day and age.

The acclaimed Chicago playwright— his production of The Homosexuals burned up the stage last year— expressed his displeasure with what he calls the “Paltrowization of the internet.”

That would be Gwyneth Paltrow, of GOOP fame, of course. What does Dawkins mean by that? Read an excerpt or listen below. And don’t worry: Dawkins swears that every word here complies with FCC standards, which, you may know, is often not the case at The Paper Machete.

Between the two of them, my mother and father have never uttered a single swear word. I, on the other hand, have a mouth so filthy as to make the inmates of your local penitentiary blush. In fact, most everything that comes out of, or into my mouth, is penile.

So let me take this moment to say: Mom, Dad, in case you’re listening, don’t.

The issue of what is—and is not— foul language, much like this bar, is a sticky one. Afterall, one man’s trash is another man’s “Hey there!” But it seems like the world is homogenizing into an accepted sense of “appropriate” language. Which is all good and well, but where should a fella who can’t afford showtime go if he’s looking to dip his mind into the shallow end of the vocab pool? You guessed it: The internet is to dirty words what a white attic is to the child with a jug of red Kool Aid.

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