Most Terrifying Teen Trends
Teens pour a shot of vodka on their face and wait patiently for their pores to absorb the alcohol.
Danger: Missing out on the homework they could be doing while they wait for the liquor to absorb.
Teens purchase cigarettes and in order to escape detection from authority figures, use their rectums to inhale and exhale smoke.
Danger: Cigarettes are expensive and will do damage to teen bank accounts, plus there is a risk of cigarette burns to otherwise pristine teenage tushies.
The new planking. Instead of walking, driving, skateboarding or rollerblading, teens travel by performing continuous 360° flips down the street.
Danger: High risk of dirtiness, neck injury and silliness.
This is not what it sounds like--teens have a habit of giving activities vulgar nicknames. Teens suck on teabags in order to enjoy an extreme herbal, sometimes caffeinated “rush” when hot water is not available.
Danger: Choking hazard.
Teen girls like to “belt” their baggy tops, but what is to prevent them from doing it too tightly?
Danger: Broken ribs, organ failure.
Teens don’t believe in a middle ground, hence they’ve taken the good feeling most normal people get from a good bowl of Campbell’s Chunky Soup and ingest it in extreme doses, which fills them up wrong.
Danger: Sodium overdose; urge to play football, which is also dangerous.
Teens gather twigs from the forest, assemble them in either a “teepee” or “house” form, stuff them with newspaper, apply a match and a bit of oxygen and then, as simple as that, they’ve got a fire.
Danger: There is no way of knowing whether the marshmallows they roast over the fire are gluten-free.
The hot new trend these days are endorphins. Teens exercise until they develop a “natural high,” known by its street name “second wind.”
Danger: Unacceptably high self esteem, shin splints.