Now as to high-fives. . . .
We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:
New Zealand schools are starting to ban hugs because hugs are not inclusive of those who are not being hugged.
News Item: ". . . Romney told his well-heeled supporters that Israel's economic success is thanks to the 'hand of Providence'. . . ."
Note to the people of Israel:
You didn't build that.
News Headline: "Opera and law: Versed in both, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg searches for legal lessons in arias."
And just let anyone try to rigoletto the orders she hands down.
News Headline: "Did Romney fail to pay taxes for 10 years?"
News Headline: "Why won't Romney release tax returns?"
News Headline: "Clint Eastwood endorses Romney, saying he will 'restore a decent tax system.' "
We can't be sure he participates in it.
News Headline: "Mass murder show it's time to get serious about gun control."
No. Wait. Sorry.
That headline wasn't from the Wisconsin mass murder.
It was from the Colorado mass murder a couple of weeks ago.
And we can keep it around for the next mass murder.
News Item: "Across the bay of Naples from Pompeii. . . hidden 'super volcano' that could kill millions. . . similar to the Yellowstone caldera in the U.S. . . scientists plan to drill 2.2 miles below the surface to monitor. . . "
What could possibly go wrong?
News Headline: "Pole dancing could be an official Olympic sport in 2016."
QT is still holding out for downhill karaoke.
P.H., a Schaumburg reader, regarding efforts by Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) to legalize dog fighting because if people are allowed to watch people fight, people should be allowed to watch dogs fight, writes:
"I would pay money to see Rep. King fight a pack of dogs. But I have to remember that he is from the state of I-diots O-ut W-andering A-bout."
QT's grad school was the University of Iowa.
Which means QT is at least part Hawkeye, and "Go Hawks!"
Then again, as for Iowa's 4th Congressional District:
We can estimate, judging by King's 2010 re-election, that 66 percent its voters are I-diots O-ut W-andering A-bout.
News Headline: "Tennessee Dems nominate anti-gay conspiracy theorist for U.S. Senate."
When will the Democrats learn?
Republican Lite never works.
Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
A man who stole a bicycle while employees watched at a bicycle shop in Belmont, Mass., ran away, stowed the bicycle and returned to the shop two hours later, disguised in a different shirt, to buy a bicycle lock, police said.
News Headline: "Ex-Idaho senator Larry Craig says he was conducting 'official business' in airport men's room."
So the less we know about his days off, the better.
Kansas Republic state senate candidate Jim Denning talking to a reporter:
"I'm not crazy. I'm not vicious."
QT is growing nostalgic.
It can remember simpler times, when an American politician's standard disclaimer was "I am not a crook."
QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:
An image of Jesus has been discovered in the termite leavings on a pile of plywood in a back yard in San Antonio, Texas.
News Headline: "University of Kansas study finds that smiling — even if the smile is forced — can make a person feel better during stressful situations."
Don't stop smiling, no matter what happens, even for a moment, as the day goes on.
And ignore it when others start backing away from you, looking over their shoulders for the door.
They're probably just stressed about something.
QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
This just in:
Early morning, July 26, 2100 block of Tower Avenue, Superior, Wis.
The dog is OK.
There are six dog days of summer to go.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: "Man attacked by shark released from Mass. hospital."
K.P., a Morrison, Ill., reader, wants to know what the shark was doing in the hospital in the first place.
If you want to home in on a right word, by the way, don't hone in on it.
Write to QT at email@example.com
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.