Everyone’s favorite probable Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney is still mulling over his his choice for vice president, despite the fact that John Nance Gardner, FDR’s Vice President, famously mentioned that the post isn’t worth “a warm Bucket of Spit.” 

That hasn’t stopped interested parties in offering up their services and stepping up to the plate. Theater critic Stephanie Shaw is one of them. Read an excerpt of her thoughts below or listen above:

Dear Mr. Romney,

I here respectfully submit my request for your consideration.  I would like to audition for the role of vice president.  I will be performing a monologue I wrote.

Why would a lackadaisical liberal apologist fantasize about being considered for Mitt Romney’s Vice President?

Because Barack Obama already has one.

Because look at me, fully half my days are spent.

Because I am a woman who can make a chicken potpie, but is otherwise running out of options.

Because it occurs to me that I’m never going to finish writing that post modern sword and sorcery novel that was supposed to make me rich, my children are growing up and demanding less and less of my time, and the moral implications of my current day job are growing dicey-er by the minute. In other words I’m a bit directionless right now, and I could use the money.

All of which seem to me as justifiable a mandate for the position as any current politician can boast.  Besides which, Mr. Romney, Tim Pawlenty has talked smack about you on the record, Rob Portman’s a big old bore and the ticket can’t support two of you, and as Marco Rubio is better at writing creative nonfiction than I, perhaps he should make a living doing that.

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