New York has Fashion Week, a week-long extravaganza, sponsored by Mercedes-Benz, showcasing the world’s top design house selections for the upcoming season. Chicago has Fashion Focus, a week-long celebration in its eighth year highlighting Chicago’s thriving fashion industry, sponsored by Dunkin Donuts. (Naw…it’s not sponsored by Dunkin Donuts…I said that to be funny.)
But Chicago has lagged behind other major cities on the fashion-conscious index. In a recent Huffington Post ranking of The Most Fashionable Cities, Chicago placed 6th. Not bad, but behind: New York; Los Angeles; Irvine, California; Miami; and Dallas.
F***ing Dallas man … I didn’t know cowboys were so stylish!
In an effort to increase Chicago’s standings among the stylish cities of the United States, I propose an initiative that Chicago’s men: Wear More Suits. The style consciousness of a city doesn’t lie in the will of that city’s women. The responsibility is in the hands of the city’s men.
Women are beautiful. New York women, L.A. women, Miami women, even Dallas women, and Chicago women — finest women on the terra firma (I can’t include mermaids because I haven’t seen one yet — in all fairness). But there’s something about a Midwest woman that represents a woman the way she was meant to be: Her curves, her down-to-earth sensibilities. The way she covers herself in the winter months and slowly sheds layers (and layers … and layers) and shows her skin for the short summer season. I’m getting myself aroused up here… .
The men are responsible for our dismal ranking. It’s our flip-flops, and our ill-fitted pants, our f***ing ironic tee-shirts and our f***ing hoodies. Everyone has to wear a f***ing hoodie. I’ve counted 30 men in this room and I’ve counted 25 of them wearing f***ing hoodies. The other five are just showing off their ironic tee-shirts. But the women — you guys are gorgeous. And this isn’t just an attempt from me to get more women… well, you guys really are gorgeous… .
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