A taxing time for us all

A taxing time for us all

News Item: Mitt Romney refuses again to release tax returns but says he never paid less than 13 percent in federal taxes, adding that voters will need to take his word for it.
Note to Donald Trump and fellow birthers:
President Obama was born in the United States.
You’ll have to take his word for it.

News Headline: “Egg yolks almost as dangerous as smoking, study says.”
We smell something by inhaling particles of it.
So please take your Egg McMuffins out on the sidewalk.
Who knows the dangers of secondhand yolk?

News Headline: “Republican judge upholds Pennsylvania voter ID law.”
No, no, no.
This subtly suggests that a sitting judge is part of the Republican scheme to rig vote totals in close states by changing and confusing election procedures just as an election approaches.
And who could believe that?

News Headline: “Paul Ryan sponsored fetal personhood bill.”
All right. But the fetus will need a photo ID.

News Headline: “Feds will not prosecute Goldman Sachs in financial crisis probe.”
News Headline: “Obama’s Wall Street surrender.”
News Headline: “Deadlines loom to bring financial crisis cases.”
News Headline: “Chances of criminal prosecutions plummets.”
Have you ever wondered if you could commit a perfect crime?
Just do anything on Wall Street.

News Item: Paul Ryan meets with Republican donors at a “finance event” in Las Vegas.
R.M., a Las Vegas reader, wants to know when fundraisers became finance events, and when can we have fundraisers back?
And M.C, a Chicago reader, wants to know when a bed became a “sleep set,” and when can we have beds back?
And… .

Mitt Romney on why he is against the renewal of an automatic weapons ban:
“Imagining that making something illegal is going to stop it is not realistic.”
The same would have to go, also, for murder laws, fraud laws, traffic laws… .
When did Romney start palling around with anarchists?

News Headline: “Moviegoer shoots self in buttocks, apologizes, leaves theater.”
The man should have said nothing.
The Second Amendment guarantees the right of any patriotic American to shoot himself in the buttocks without apology.

House Speaker John Boehner regarding Paul Ryan:
“I mean, I think that he’s a practical conservative. He’s got a very conservative voting record, but he’s not a knuckle-dragger, all right?”
The Tea Party Caucus would like to have a word with you, Mr. Speaker.

News Headline: “Lady Gaga arrives in Bulgaria.”
News Headline: “Lady Gaga issues letter addressing her fur use and calls Kim Kardashian fabulous.”
News Headline: “Bulgaria starts work on gas interconnector with Romania.”
Life goes on in Bulgaria.

News Headline: “The WASP-less presidential election.”
News Headline: “Romney beats Obama in NJ cockroach race.”
Which brings us up to date on insect political indicators.

The Case for Separation of Church and Everything:
A North Carolina evangelist who claims he can cure cancer victims by kicking them in the face so they will be “under the power of God” is now spreading his ministry to Europe.

News Item: ”… it was hard for me to take Palin seriously, dressed as she was. First, her shoes: five-inch wedges. Her black capris weren’t quite skin-tight… ."
News Item: ”… one thing bugged me about Mr. Ryan’s appearance on the day of the announcement… a blazer with an open-neck shirt and dark trousers… ."
It used to be that political reporters covering a female candidate wasted time dwelling on her fashion choices.
Now the time is wasted on both genders.
That’s progress, isn’t it?

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ The second longest word in Shakespeare is “anthropophaginian.”
+ Iran is four times the size of Iraq.

From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 99 years ago Joseph Pulitzer donated $1 million to Columbia University to establish the Pulitzer Prize, which is widely mispronounced to this day as PEWL and not PULL, which goes to show what even $1 million sometimes gets you.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: ”… is not the raison d’etre of the product… ."
News Item: ”… is de rigueur for reality shows… ."
News Item: ”… to see what the haute monde are buying… ."
There is always a temptation to show off when writing.
It should be avoided coute que coute.

Write to QT at qt@wbez.org
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.