News Headline: “Liz Cheney eyes politics.”
News Headline: “Kim Kardashian eyes politics.”
Fair warning to avert ours.

…

News Headline:  ”… arrested on drug charges.”
News Headline: ”… charged with battery.”
News Headline: ”… faces weapons count.”
News Headline:  ”… charged with robbery.”
News Headline: ”… arrested for theft.”
In other college football news… .

…

News Headline: “Romney apologizes for ‘hijinks and pranks’ after report that he bullied student during high school.”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
hijinks  pl.n. 1. Playful, often rowdy and noisy activity, usually involving mischievous pranks. 2. Such as holding down a fellow teenage classmate, thought by some to be gay, and cutting off his hair as he cries for help. 3. But boys will be boys. 4. Let’s talk about important issues like the economy [see: antics, buffoonery, clowning, fooling around, shenanigans, tomfoolery, assault, battery].

…

News Item: “House Republicans approved a sweeping package of budget cuts to food stamps, Meals on Wheels, health care and pensions for federal workers…"
Doesn’t go far enough.
Why not hold down the poor and sick and cut off their hair?

                  …

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
Warren County High School in McMinnville, Tenn., has named 11 valedictorians.

…

News Headline: ”… a Tucson man who robbed three banks…  sentenced to 208 1/2 years in prison… got away with around $27,000… ."
Ask anyone on Wall Street.
The first rule of robbing a bank is never to take less than tens of millions of dollars.
Otherwise you might go to jail.

…

Kevin Smith, a Nashville, Tenn., reader, regarding QT’s not liking the word “blog,” not considering itself a blog and wondering what it should call itself, writes:
“QT is most definitely not a blog. QT is a… flog. And you flog so expertly! Please don’t stop!”
Right. As QT has always said, a little sado-masochism never hurt anyone.

…

News Item: “A man in prison in Texas got 4 out of 10 votes in West Virginia’s Democrat presidential primary.”
This is not how our system should work.
We can’t have political candidates who are in prison.
We should stay, as we always have, with political candidates who belong in prison.

…

Cher tweeting a new contribution to the nation’s political dialogue:
“If ROMNEY gets elected I don’t know if i can breathe same air as Him & his Right Wing Racist Homophobic Women Hating Tea Bagger Masters.”
To be fair, it sounds better in the original Klingon.

…

News Item: ”… set off a firestorm of controversy… ."
News Item: ”… brought a flood of emails… ."
News Item: ”… an avalanche of protest against… ."
Then again, if the flood doesn’t put out the firestorm, the avalanche probably will.

…

News Item:  “Two senators have introduced a bill to erase the word  ‘lunatic’ from the federal code because the term is considered outdated… ."
All right. But wait.
Just how much will it cost to substitute “birther” in all those federal documents?

…

News Headline: “Whither Pakistan?”
Thither, most likely.

…

QT Summer Travel Advisory:
Dave Carr, an Owen Sound, Ontario, reader, wants you to know that Prince Charles and Camilla have canceled their scheduled May 20 visit to Owen Sound.
But summer travelers there can still slide through a giant human intestine starting May 21 at the Bruce County Museum and Cultural Center.

…

News Item: ”… if filled with Coca-Cola, the arena would hold 133,187,970 gallons… ."
Or if filled with liquid oxygen, the arena would hold enough to fill 910.1 space shuttle fuel tanks, if you are still trying to visualize it.

…

From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 502 years ago Christopher Columbus began his final voyage to the New World, which is something we know and he didn’t.

…

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Ron DeGrand, a Round Lake Beach reader, writes:
“Can anything be done about all the people who say ‘supposably’ when they mean ‘supposedly’?”
This is a peeve of QT’s, too.
And don’t get QT started about people who say “antimony” when they mean “antinomy.”
It is not “hoist by his own petard,” by the way, but “hoist with his own petard.”
Ask any petardier.

QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
It can be reached at  qt@wbez.org