News Headline: “Olympic challenges include gambling and match-fixing.”
News Headline: “Olympic organizers hit by ticket scandal.”
News Headline: “Still plenty of angles for drug cheating at Olympics.”
News Headline: “The Olympic ideal lives on.”
Doesn’t it, though?
News Headline: “SMU linebacker’s home burglarized by prostitute he wouldn’t pay.”
And can college football be just around the corner?
QT Random Sample of Americans Update:
+ When Americans were asked in a survey if they owned an Amazon Kindle, two percent responded “don’t know.”
+ When Americans were asked in a survey if they were sexually active, three percent responded “not sure.”
Keep this in mind the next time you hear of a political candidate appealing to the undecideds.
QT Trickle-On Economics Update:
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch laid off 23 workers days after giving its CEO a $655,000 stock bonus.
News Headline: “Baptist church in Mississippi refuses to marry black couple.”
Wait a minute.
This wasn’t about race, understand.
The couple just seemed… not quite American… not like one of us… foreign in some ways … almost presidential.
A London Olympics spokesman responding to a team’s formal rules complaint:
“We will have an urgent meeting, certainly within the next two days.”
Add urgency to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
And D..E, a Rockford reader, wants to know when stud and draw poker became Texas hold ‘em everywhere we look, and when can we have stud and draw back?
QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Ascendis has acquired Avima.
News Headline: “Red wine could reduce cancer risk.”
News Headline: “2 glasses of wine are a cancer risk.”
As a health precaution, QT recommends staying with whiskey until this is sorted out.
News Item: ”… Romney also plans to see former Polish President Lech Walesa… ."
Note to those who report the news on TV and radio:
It is not wah-LESS-ah.
It is vah-WEHN-sah.
QT News Presented Without Comment:
+ A man in a Louisville, Ky., bookstore was arrested for stealing a copy of Resolving Ethical Issues.
+ A boat operator whose hand was bitten off by an alligator near Everglades City, Fla., was arrested for the unlawful feeding of an alligator.
News Headline: “White House plays down prospect of new gun laws.”
Q. What did the potential renewal of an assault-weapons ban say to President Obama?
A. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”
QT Summer Travel Advisory:
QT neglected to inform you in a timely manner that the town of Dildo, Newfoundland, had scheduled its 32nd Annual Dildo Days for July 21-29.
QT regrets the error.
QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
As of the twenty-seventh dog day of summer, there have been no new reports of a man biting a dog.
But an Olympic athlete told reporters that she was late arriving in London because a dog ate her airline ticket.
And the Olympic road cycling race was interrupted by a dog running across the road and back.
There are 14 dog days to go.
One day fewer than for the Olympics.
News Item: ”… equivalent to the time it would take to build three Brooklyn Bridges… ."
Or the duration of 149 rhinoceros pregnancies, if you are still trying to visualize it.
From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 47 years ago President Lyndon B. Johnson signed Medicare into law, and not a single Republican leader questioned for a moment his patriotic loyalty, for those who like to reminisce.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Ronald Meyer, a Baltimore reader, writes:
“You are correct that the first syllable of ‘gigabyte’ should be pronounced JIG, but you will sound like a fool if you pronounce it that way. As for your pronunciation of ‘gerrymander,’ the source of the word is Elbridge Gerry (1744-1814). The G in his name was pronounced like the G in Gary, as you say. But you will also sound like a fool if you say it GARYmander instead of JERRYmander.”
QT assures you it has never been reluctant to sound like a fool.
It isn’t “a penny for your thoughts,” by the way, but “a penny for your thought.”
Write to QT at email@example.com
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