Wait. I know this feeling. It’s a mix of emotional chaos, stomach pains and, at the end, regret - regret that you somehow got involved in the same abusive relationship you thought you’d ended. And I buried that feeling last January. I told it to never come back. The therapists gave me drugs to remove it. And once again, on one rainy day in October, it was back.
It the worst case scenario yesterday: Right from the get-go, you are taken out of the game because the Bears ineptitude is so overpowering that you realize this isn’t a fair match. So you start to think about other things, like dinner plans. Or laundry. Oh, but then the Bears don’t quit. No, they stick around like a dog that was hit by a car. It’s morbidly exciting to watch the dog try to crawl to the other side of the road. That’s what you are watching. Gross, dude.
And as the Bears struggle to get back on their feet, this stirs something: “Hey, we got a chance to steal a game we have no right to win! Turn up the volume on Buck & Aikman and reheat that cheese sauce!!!!” But when you return from another Ford Tough commercial, here comes the same ineptitude the Bears game started with. You left the whites in the washer, completely forgetting to transfer to the dryer because that feeling was stirring something inside of you. But it turns out it was cheese sauce, just trying to get out.
I might do something more productive with my Sundays. I have a feeling pumpkin picking and horseback riding is in my near future. Please, Bears, for the love of all things America, play better.
Here are some random observations from yesterday’s game:
- Hey, what’s with the “Kuuuuhhhhnnn” chant at Soldier Field? The hefty fullback for the Packers is somewhat of a cult figure in Green Bay. His last name is Kuhn (pronounced koon) and whenever he touches the ball, the fans go “Kooooooooooooooooohn.” But he’s on the road? When I heard this through the television yesterday, I figured it was the super high-def TV playing tricks on me. Why was that so loud? Because half of the crowd were Packers fans. I could only imagine it’s because most of the people who buy Bears tickets are just in the game to sell them. And they sell them to Wisconsin fans. This could also be why the Bears had countless false start and delay of game penalties (not to mention defensive offside calls). It certainly wasn’t a home field advantage.
- So Forte had an off game. How many yards did he have? The Tribune breaks down how this might have been the worst running game in the history of the Chicago Bears. So tell me again, why did we get rid of Chester Taylor? Don’t be fooled Chicago, this is the game plan. Pass, pass, pass. And the opposing team’s defensive game plan is pretty simple. Blitz, so Forte has to stay back and block.
- What’s with the orange jerseys? Put that jersey on against the Panthers. This is the Bears/Packers. Make it look that way. Blue vs. Yellow. Stupid choice, Bears.
- What did Joe Buck or Troy Aikman say about Danica Patrick being on the sidelines? Something about being tough and pretty? All right guys, simmer down.
- Here’s my take on the Bears WR corps: They are all a bunch of #3 WRs. Roy Williams didn’t catch a ball, did he? Knox dropped big passes and let defenders run through him to the ball (his worst trait). Not to mention his big drop was because of footsteps (second worst trait). Devin Hester’s 15 yard penalty for punching a defender is probably the reason why they should have never paid this guy #1 WR money. And Dane Sanzenbacher had 4 catches for under 20 yards? In a Mike Martz offense. And this is why you don’t run the ball? For these guys? Pound for pound, this unit could be the worst in the NFL. Discuss.
- Hey look, RW McQuarters is back playing safety for the Bears? If Brandon Merriweather was smart, he’ll start wearing a band-aid under his eye.
- SERIOUSLY, SOLDIER FIELD? The game was stopped because a player and a referee found a huge nail/rod/coil sticking out of the turf. The same turf that was just resodded to avoid the terrible conditions the field usually has. I mean, c’mon. It’s time to rethink this crew and to rethink Soldier Field. I’m really embarrassed because the city (Park District) runs this field, not the team. My taxes pay for this field. Rahm, time for a summit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that in an NFL game.
- You know what else I never see? Defensive tackles running free to the QB because an offensive lineman forgot to block. You never see that. Somewhere along the line, NFL coaches figured that part out. So why can’t ours? It’s about time to get off the Mike Tice train too.
- The Lowe’s commercial about improving your life by dancing through the ages really got my attention. Jury’s out: Is it a good commercial? Do women like it? The crew I was watching with didn’t. It got a collective grown at the end when the Lowe’s logo was thrown on the screen. Memo to Lowes: Probably better to show that during Glee.
- The Bears safety train continues to just puff black smoke, polluting Chicago. We have documented our QB problems over the last few decades, but can we turn our attention to the safety play? Safeties are the QB of the defense. You can say what you will about Urlacher and leadership, but if you don’t have playmakers at the safety position, you get what you got yesterday. Every big play they made was against back-up safety Craig Steltz. We need better play from that position. We’ve probably gone through 15 safeties under Jerry Angelo. We need a new Mike Brown, stat.
- Hey, look! A Lance Briggs sighting! After a terrible first half (he gave up one of the Finley TD’s and got a terrible offsides penalty), Briggs responded and played like the All-Pro he is. Peppers played big. Urlacher played big. Tillman played hard. These are the playmakers. You pay them to make plays. Let’s take a trip to the offensive side? Cutler gets paid, didn’t make plays. Roy Williams gets paid, didn’t make plays. Devin Hester gets paid, didn’t make plays. Forte doesn’t get paid, didn’t make plays.
- And there it was, Chicago. Instead of us trying to rally our team, we booed. And I think I heard a few sarcastic cheers too. So it took us to week 3 to get the boo birds out on this squad. Can someone please go around the league and see if any other home team got booed yesterday?