Forget federal funding for NPR - give it all to morning zoos

Forget federal funding for NPR - give it all to morning zoos
Forget federal funding for NPR - give it all to morning zoos

Forget federal funding for NPR - give it all to morning zoos

Vivian Schiller (Steven Voss)

If I were a conspiracy theorist, I would guess that the recent uproar about NPR and today’s startling news that Vivian Schiller has resigned was staged for pledge drive purposes. Nothing like a backlash against NPR and federal funding to get public radio lovers riled up. Throw in a few new totebags? Done.

If you are just joining the story, a conservative blogger posed as a charity trying to give millions to NPR. It seems that they were more interested in getting NPR to take money from Muslims (they posed as an organization affiliated with the Muslim Brotherhood), but when VP Ron Schiller (no relation, but what’s with all the Schillers at NPR?) took the meeting and said some nasty stuff about the Tea Party movement, they got gold. Even though did Schiller go out of his way to make it clear that many of the opinions he expressed were his and not NPRs, gotcha is gotcha and the highly-edited video was released to the internet.

See, this is what happens when you consolidate commercial radio. What, you say? Let me explain.

Well, friends, the consolidation of commercial radio has put more than a few shock jocks and their sidekicks out of work over the years. No longer able to prank-call athletes or Chinese restaurants for their Morning Zoo programs, they had to go in search of new outlets. So, these talented secret-recorders are finding audiences on line and in political arenas. Now we have bloggers pranking Wisconsin governors and wannabee Ashton Kutchers setting up media executives. I suggest a federal bailout of Morning Zoos. Take the money from NPR and federally fund morning radio, therefore putting these important public servants back where they belong. Tricking 14 year olds.

Moving on…

B story: Columbia College professor and @MayorEmanuel Dan Sinker made an appearance on The Colbert Report last night.

It was a great interview and I was super excited (more than I ever have been) that Columbia College got name-checked! Yeah! My alma mater is killing it nationally! As an alum, I watched Dan Sinker become the new face of my institution, whether the Chronicle likes it or not. Sinker now rises to top 5 Columbia College staff/students making national names for themselves. If he keeps this up, he might rise to the top to usurp Pat Sajak. Which is really what every Columbia College alum aspires to.

C story: Nobody reached out to me about my generic invitation for outgoing Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley to come do a Wikipedia Files interview with me at my cubicle. I am upping the ante here. I will provide cake. Here’s how this whole thing will go down: If I get the mayor here, it will be a great interview, we’ll enjoy some cake and then Daley will tell me it was the best interview he’s ever done. Then he will give me his cell and tell me to text him becuase they are going to Sunda later. I’ll meet up in the VIP (bottle service only) with Daley, Rahm and probably Jennifer Hudson. We’ll party like crazy, roll out to Meigs (secret runway) and take a private G6 jet to Milan. We then party with a bunch of runway models, cruise to some awesome restaurants, get inspired by some architecture and get home by the next day for his press conference at City Hall. So yeah, this interview has to happen.

Weather: Sprinkle, sprinkle.

Sports: The Sun-Times has an exclusive today about how the White House ‘lobbied’ the Chicago Bulls and owner Jerry Reinsdorf to hire Head Coach Tom Thibideau. Not just the White House, but President Obama himself!!!! The columnist and Reinsdorf act as if this is a great thing, but I have to ask the question: Why the hell is the White House lobbying NBA franchises over head coaches? What’s next? Who should be the Cubs 5th starter? Very weird.

Kicker: Mission Amy KR has a very simple mission this week. She is sharing with you a piece her 14 year old daughter wrote. Her birthday is today. And her birthday present? For this essay to go viral. Do your part! Happy Birthday Paris!