Life is back to normal: Bears pummel Lions (and other observations)

Life is back to normal: Bears pummel Lions (and other observations)
Life is back to normal: Bears pummel Lions (and other observations)

Life is back to normal: Bears pummel Lions (and other observations)

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DJ takin on the whole team!!! A little help? (AP)

The Detroit Lions have always been division foes. But more like the Milwaukee Bucks rather than the Detroit Pistons. More like the Houston Astros than the St. Louis Cardinals. But what the Lions lack in football skill, they make up for in just being dirty. And dirty is a great way to start a rivalry. See, we dislike the Packers because they once took cheap shots at our stars. Once winning is out of the question, they turn to chop blocks and unnecessary roughness. Which brings me to my point:

You gotta love the Bears for not backing down. It would have been easy to let the Lions physically pout for playing crappy football. But after Jay Cutler was driven into the turf, the Bears defense found something to play for. Crossing route to Megatron? Briggs was there (and cleanly). If Stafford tries to behead a player out of frustration, that player (DJ Moore) teaches him a thing about the NFL. See, Detroit: We can play that way, too. We just wait to play that way when we have already won, not while we are losing…badly.

But all is right in the world. The Lions looked overmatched. They tried and tried, throwing the ball to the wrong team over and over. In a world where we teeter on the brink of financial collapse and evil, the Lions took one for the team and sucked liked they are supposed to. And we thank you for that.

Even the Soldier Field goal posts are shoddy? What gives?? Time for a new stadium (AP)

Here are some other random observations from the Bears’ beat down of the hapless Lions:

  • I speak for every Bear fan when I say to Fox, “Turn the Saints/Falcons game off and start our game on time.” We didn’t miss any action, but we were sent to the game while Urlacher was giving a pre-game speech. I don’t mind missing that, but what I do mind is that it seemed like we were late because Fox had to drop in 40 commercials after they left Atlanta. So the game was on time, but Fox wanted to get paid first.
  • This win will keep the Bears in the playoff equation until mid-December. The next five games: Chargers, Raiders, Chiefs, Broncos, Seahawks, then Packers on Christmas. There’s a chance that game might mean something. Woah.
  • Charles Tillman treated Calvin Johnson to a retro day. Remember when Tillman used to shut down Roy Williams, Randy Moss and other Goliath WRs in the NFC North? Perhaps Peanut has returned to his ways.
  • Paging Roy Williams: Don’t you have any pride? Don’t you want to beat the Lions who gave up on you? Dropping passes and cutting off routes are weird ways of showing that passion.
  • The halftime break for local news is unnecessary. They just show highlights of the football we just saw highlights of.
  • The Bears had four interceptions and two fumble recoveries. Although the real stat was how many interception drops the Bears had. I’ll bet the Bears defenders had their hands on (at least) five more Stafford passes. Maybe Stafford has an aversion to the color orange. And speaking of the color orange, we’re not Denver. Bring back the blue for the rest of the year, please.
  • Matt Stafford was pretty awful. Like, Rex Grossman awful. Like, Jay Cutler awful. Like, Chicago Bear quarterback awful. This is the guy who is going to take Detroit to the playoffs? I have a feeling that isn’t going to happen. Mark my words, Detroit will not be in the playoffs.
  • Conspiracy theory of the week: Maybe Devin Hester wasn’t hurt all week and the Bears just faked it so the Lions would punt to him? Because when I get an ankle sprain, I don’t outrun professional athletes for 70 yard touchdowns. I just complain and limp. Complain and limp.
  • Ninety-nine percent of the NFL do not count on punt return touchdowns as offense. If they get one, it’s a nice addition. But with the Bears, Hester is as important as a good running back. We are very spoiled in Chicago. When Hester leaves or his skills diminish, we will have a very empty feeling every time the back up cornerback attempts to return a punt. It will be a depressing age in Chicago. He’s gotta go to the football hall of fame, right?
  • Fantasy update: Bears defense probably broke a record for points. Where Calvin Johnson and Jay Cutler probably cost their owners victories. Cutler had 123 yards and no touchdowns. Yikes, that’s bad. Bad enough for a 37-13 win.
  • I love DJ Moore’s haircut. But if you get ejected from a game in Chicago, you have to get rid of your shirt too, Rodman style. That’s the only way in the Chi, right?

I think I’ve said this before, but isn’t Julius Peppers the best?

Again, poll: Who would you take first?

Matthews (Packers), Allen (Vikings), Suh (Lions) or Peppers (Bears). I gotta say Peppers.

And, who would you take last?

Stafford (Lions), Williams (Bears), Berrian (Vikings, although waived) or AJ Hawk (Packers). I’d (not) take Williams.

Chargers are next. Rivers vs. Cutler. Remember when they used to jaw each other when Jay was in Denver? Could be fun.