My friend Steve Gadlin asked on Facebook recently, “What should I put under my daughter’s pillow to replace her baby tooth? Funny answers only.” Here are the best of the responses:

Someone else’s tooth

An itemized invoice

A dinosaur tooth

A dead parrot

Broccoli

A skull with all of its teeth missing except the one she placed under the pillow

More teeth

A letter that reads: Dear Izzie, Thank you for ripping me away from my family, whom I loved dearly. Ask your daddy what revenge means. Sleep tight. Love, Tooth #1

Two pounds of raw beef

A note from an evil alchemical scientist telling her he is now a little bit closer to creating a homunculus

The Spanish inquisition! (no one expects that!)

Some rad decals

Super glue

Pull out your own teeth and a note that says “we are all in this together”

A doughnut

Mexican pesos

A picture of the girl who’s covered with hair and a note that says “it could be worse.”

Unobtainium

I never got money, I only got multi-page letters from the toothfairy that detailed her hard living ways in a handwriting identical to my father’s. Not a joke.

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