We continue our Friday series of special blog posts from Alderman Ed Bus. The 53rd ward alderman has served Chicago for over 40-45 years. His experience in city politics and policy is almost unparalleled. Today, Alderman Bus sounds off on Earth Day.
Today is Earth Day. It’s a day designed to remind people they are ruining the world. I agree with the hippies, we gotta do somethin.’ That’s why as alderman of the 53rd Ward, I make sure Earth Day isn’t just reserved for some rainy day that coincides with the death of Jesus Christ, but for every single day. The 53rd Ward doesn’t wait for a Hallmark holiday. We take matters into our own hands. And that is why our ward is the most environmentally-friendly ward in Chicago*.
I’ve always like the color green. And my lawmaking reflects that. I was the first alderman to suggest putting a garden on the top of City Hall. Sure, my suggestion was for a golf course, but same idea. And I also honorarily named a street after Dallas Green. And Shecky Green too. And I hate dry cleaners.
Back home, I’m even more diligent. Here are some examples of how we keep things green in the 53rd:
- Like I said, I hate dry cleaners. They don’t even clean your shirts, they just iron em. And what’s with all the hangers? So I outlawed them in the 53rd. I personally don’t need one because I wash all my shirts in the dump sink behind the garage. Then I hang em on the back of the bathroom door and take a 45 minute hot shower get out the wrinkles.
- I don’t like to waste energy. We try to curb wasteful use of power, like plugging in voting machines. I got guys who can count votes. I don’t need to kill the planet having a machine do it.
- We also try to curb unnecessary waste in the ward. At 53rd Ward Beef and Wings, they use every part of the wax paper. If you throw it out after eatin’, the guys just grab it and wipe it off and wrap the next sandwich. Just because it has some grease and oil on it don’t make it bad! Stop complainin’ to the ward office! Also, they don’t change the deep fryer grease. They just keep using it over and over. It makes the fries crispier!
- I personally don’t use soap.
- We don’t have running water in the 53rd Ward parks. If you go to the bathroom, it’s straight up porta-potty style. And we then use the unmentionables on the forest preserve soil to grow corn. And we take that corn and feed the 53rd ward stray cats. In turn, they don’t meow as much because they aren’t hungry. Therefore, we don’t have as many random alley-way shootings and/or animal abuse. Therefore kids don’t have to worry and can study more in school, therefore graduating, therefore becoming productive rich people in society. Boom, we just solved several problems.
- During our block parties, we don’t use generators to blow up the bouncy-houses. I pay some of the Ed Bus Tumblers to blow them up by hand...er…mouth. It’s good exercise. It’s sort of like running a marathon, but your calves aren’t sore afterwards. I pay the tumblers back by taking them down to the Michiana Harbor & Ship Canal for a few laps. They love it. They say the water tastes like pizza!
So there ya have it. When you decide on a neighborhood you want to live in or perhaps a candidate you want to vote for, take a look at what they are doing to make the world around you a better place to live, even when it is not election season. And that candidate is me, Alderman Ed Bus.
And remember, if you don’t follow my 53rd ward rules, we’ll find you.
*Based on square footage. The ward is pretty small.