Playing the percentages

Playing the percentages

News Headline: “Romney says 47 percent of Americans are ‘dependent on government,’ feel ‘entitled.’ “
News Headline: “Pentagon adds new clinics for veteran care.”
The man is right.
Everywhere you look, freeloaders.

News Headline: “Romney says entitlement comments ‘not elegantly stated.’ “
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
elegant adj. 1. in a graceful and attractive manner. 2. adroitly careful not to say what you mean. 3. which is how it has to be when the public is listening. 3. because you’re running for president, for Pete’s sake, and you can’t let the public know what you are up to or whose pocket you are in. 4. and then along comes someone with a video camera… . [see: up, the jig is].

News Headline: “No Wall Street prosecutions under Obama.”
News Headline: “More than 150 protesters arrested on Occupy Wall Street anniversary.”
Let’s not think of this as President Obama letting Wall Street get away with massive felonies while Main Street is cuffed for misdemeanors.
Let’s think of it as… inelegant.

News Headline: “Champagne physicist reveals the secrets of bubbly.”
When you next consider the missed chances of your life, be sure to include that you could have been a champagne physicist.

Al Solly, a Chicago reader, regarding Mitt Romney’s asking for help in naming his campaign plane, writes:
“The plane featured in ‘Thirty Seconds over Tokyo’ was the Ruptured Duck. Is that protected by a trademark?”
Doesn’t matter. Romney can name the plane and fly in it for a while and then have the paint scraped off and ignore questions about the name because he has been against the naming of planes all his life.
Or W.S., an Evanston reader, suggests the Enola Straight.
Or… .

News Headline: “Paul Ryan shares billing with ‘former terrorist’ at Values Voter Summit.”
C’mon. He just wanted to pal around a little.

Rush Limbaugh discussing the troubles in the Middle East:
“I’m trying to think… I’m trying to think… ."
You have to admire the effort.
Twenty-four years on national radio, and he’s still trying.
And one day he may get there.

News Headline: “D.C. police seek robbery suspect ‘6-7 years of age.’ “
They grow up so fast, don’t they?

A Republic, If You Can Keep It:
+ Thirteen percent of American teenagers think the Civil War was fought between the United States and Great Britain.
+ Five percent think it was fought between the East and the West.

News Headline: “The loss of liberties since 9/11.”
News Headline: “Rushdie: ‘Climate of fear’ would prevent Satanic Verses publication today.”
No. The terrorists haven’t won.
We’re just following their directions, is all.

Mitt Romney joining other Republicans to criticize President Obama for golfing too much:
“I just think it’s time to have a president whose idea of being ‘hands on’ doesn’t mean getting a better grip on the golf club.”
President Obama has averaged 2.5 rounds of golf a month during his presidency.
Dwight D. Eisenhower averaged 8.3.

QT Early Warning System:
Eleven days remain until National Dryer Vent Safety Awareness Month and National Toilet Tank Repair Month.
So you have a decision to make.

Paul Shubin, a Montreal reader, regarding QT’s suggestion that the upcoming documentary based on Roger Ebert’s memoir be named “Scoop Dreams,” writes:
“Thumbtimes a Great Notion.”
Stop it.
Stop it now.

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ The Japanese for “fa shizzle” is “day yo ne.”
+ 63 percent of Americans want to see what Mitt Romney is covering up in his tax returns.

Today’s Birthdays: Emperor Antoninus, 1,926; Duke Snider, 86.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: ”… celebrate the one-year anniversary… ."
News Item: ”… marked the two-year anniversary… ."
News Item: ”… before the three-year anniversary… ."
W.S., an East Northport, N.Y., reader, wonders what ever happened to the words “first,” “second” and “third.”
News Item: ”… mark the 58-year anniversary… ."
And on up.

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