News Headline: “New Rush conspiracy theory: Al Qaeda ‘gave up’ Bin Laden to make Obama look good.”
QT Digest of Internet Reaction to Rush Limbaugh’s Most Recent Theory (for Your Convenience):
”… twisted… .idiot… gasbag… stop at nothing… transparently insane… ."
That’s enough of that.
Rush Limbaugh is not insane.
News Headline: “Obama leads Romney in campaign fundraising.”
Whenever you see the phrase “campaign fundraising” in a news headline, replace it with “people who are owed favors.”
It will give you a better sense of the story.
News Item: Wells Fargo Bank assures a North Carolina woman fighting cancer that it will not foreclose on her house and then, two weeks later, serves papers that the house will be auctioned six days before Christmas.
That is your National Humor in Business Month update for today.
News Headline: “Satellite images reveal brutal war in Syria.”
News Headline: “Satellite images show heavy fighting.”
The images are amazingly sharp.
Who says the human race isn’t making progress?
Ronald Meyer, a Baltimore reader, writes:
“I was reading an article that claimed fact-checking is not enough in today’s political campaigns. It got me to wondering: When did journalism become fact-checking, and when can we have journalism back?”
And J.K., a Chicago reader, wants to know when offsides in football became a “neutral zone infraction,” and when can we have offsides back?
An ESPN announcer reporting Saturday’s college football results:
“Never before in the history of man have the Trojans lost to Stanford four times in a row… ."
And add the history of man to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
News Headline: “Scientists discover mevalonate kinase gene mutations associated with disseminated superficial actinic porokeratosis.”
As we all might have guessed.
Mitt Romney on preparing to debate President Obama:
“I think the challenge that I’ll have in the debate is that the president tends to— how shall I say it?—say things that aren’t true.”
QT has witnessed many events in its years of reporting the news.
Only two have made QT’s jaw actually drop.
Make that three.
News Item: Crash-test of jet airliner suggests it is safer to sit in the tourist section at the back than in first class at the front.
Sometimes life is fair.
News Headline: “Romney seeks help in naming his campaign plane.”
The Spirit of Faint Hooey?
This will take some work.
News Headline: “Couple arrested after gun found in baby stroller with child.”
Arrested by police who obviously do not understand or appreciate the Second Amendment.
News Headline: “President Hu, Premier Wen call for aid efforts.”
Who called for aid efforts?
I mean the fellow’s name.
The fellow calling for the aid.
Yes. Who’s the fellow?
Someone’s asking for aid efforts. Who and when?
That’s right… .
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ 17 percent of Americans believe President Obama is a Muslim.
+ 17 percent of Americans believe the Loch Ness monster exists.
+ 17 percent of Americans will believe pretty much anything you tell them over and over.
News Headline: “Alien snakes help spiders overrun Guam.”
There is probably an interesting story behind that.
From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 52 years ago Fidel Castro spoke to the United Nations General Assembly for 4 hours 29 minutes in a speech reproduced here in digest form: “Although it has been said … to sum up our policies … very well, then, this is our policy.”
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: ”… an anecdote to the poison… ."
News Headline: ”… don't have an anecdote for the venom… ."
The first step while preparing to administer an anecdote is to calm the victim, maybe tell a few funny antidotes.
A pair of doves is a duet of doves, by the way.
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