Somebody call an ambulance

Somebody call an ambulance
Somebody call an ambulance

Somebody call an ambulance

News Headline: “Political conventions end with truth a casualty.”
But never forget.
The truth survives its wounds.
The truth still lives.
Figure the debates will finish it off.

News Headline: “Obama orders mention of God put back in Democratic platform.”
Close call.
Almost missed a basic pander there.

Mitt Romney regarding attempts to drop from the Democratic platform any mention of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital:
“I think it’s a very sad day.”
Keeping in mind that no one is more filled with joy than a politician who is saddened by his opponents.

News Headline: “Life after Kim Jong Il: An impersonator without a purpose.”
Your life may not be working out as you had hoped, but at least you are not an unemployed Kim Jong Il impersonator.

News Item: “NY’s top court to decide whether a lap dance is tax-exempt art form.”
We can be sure of this much: The defendants will be appealing.

Former President Clinton describing President Obama at the Democratic Convention:
“He inherited a deeply damaged economy, put a floor under the crash, began the long hard road to recovery and laid the foundation for a more modern, more well-balanced economy.”
Then again, it’s amazing the thing didn’t collapse, with the floor put in before the foundation was laid.

News Headline: “New Games: Activision Anthology combines 8-bit nostalgia, impressive presentation.”
Add nostalgia to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.
And W.A., a Green Bay, Wis., reader, wants to know when did reservations become “call-ahead seating,” and when can we have reservations back?
And… .

Education + the Criminal Mind =
A man set up his meth lab in a Gainesville, Fla., duplex, the other half of which was a police annex, police said

News Headline: “Northwestern University hosts centennial for composer John Cage.”
But before you visit the exhibit, listen to one of QT’s favorite tunes: John Cage’s “ASLSP (As SLow aS Possible).”
A current performance started in 2001 on an organ in Halberstadt, Germany.
It started with an 17-month rest.
Then came a chord that lasted from February 2003 to July 2004.
There have been ten new chords since, the latest starting on July 5.
The performance will end in 2640.
Or you can enjoy it here.
QT likes easy-listening music.

News Headline: “Octomom says she has never heard of Mitt Romney.”
News Headline: “Understanding the low-information voter.”
Oh, don’t worry. We understand the low-information voter, all right.

News Item: University of Texas administrators refuse to allow the student newspaper to put news boxes in front of the new journalism school, citing “concerns that litter, clutter and debris could gather around the building.”
And those who can’t do or teach, administrate.

News Headline: “Democratic platform silent on surveillance.”
Of course it is.
How can the government continue to increase its spying on us if it makes noise about it?

QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Democrats haven’t disclosed the full list of 2012 convention sponsors.
But the 2008 sponsors included Aflac and Agvar.

News Headline: “Dog brings home human foot.”
Don’t you hate it when your dog does that?

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Hulk Hogan is a Democrat.
+ Arlo Guthrie is a Republican.

QT Vote Count Countdown Update (Democratic Convention Edition):
News Headline: “Does the convention bounce matter?”
News Headline: “Can Obama win North Carolina again?”
News Headline: “Is Biden a liability for Obama?”
News Headline: “Democratic platform debacle: Will it matter?”
News Headline: “Does Obama really hate America?”
News Headline: “Bill Clinton’s DNC speech: Setting the stage for Hillary in 2016?”
No, yes, no, no, don’t be a nitwit, yes.
Sixty days to go.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
K.M., a La Grange Park reader, writes:
“I lament the loss of the distinction between ‘less’ and ‘fewer.’ “
The distinction you refer to is the use of “fewer” for things countable and “less” for things uncountable:
The Tea Party spokesman promised to tell fewer lies.
The Tea Party spokesman promised to attempt less lying.
In baseball, by the way, the batter behind the on-deck batter is not “in the hole,” but “in the hold.”

Write to QT at
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.