The moment we’ve waited for

The moment we’ve waited for

News Headline: “For Republicans, a ‘Convention Without Walls.’ “
A pessimistic theme for a meeting in a hurricane.

News Headline: “Hurricane delays start of Republican convention.”
All right.
The convention will move most of its Monday business to Tuesday.
Following is the original Tuesday night schedule:
Video, remarks, video, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, video, remarks, video remarks, remarks, video, remarks, video, remarks, remarks, remarks, video, remarks.
The revised Tuesday night schedule:
Remarks, video, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks, remarks.
This is still subject to change.

News Headline: “Lance Armstrong: When a hero lets us down.”
But Neil never did.

News Headline:
“Man who defrauded the military gets 30 months.”
The military?
Nobody helped him.
He bilked that.

News Item: “Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus criticizes TV networks for lack of convention coverage.
Pssst. Mr. Priebus.
Here is how you can still get gavel-to-gavel coverage:
Tell the networks you’ve put together a group of loud, angry people for a reality show.

News Headline: “Dems equivocate on… ."
News Headline: “Dems sidestep… ."
QT Early Warning System:
The Democratic National Convention will coincide with National Waffle Week.

News Headline: “Charlie Sheen’s net settlement north of $100 million.”
When did “more than” become “north of,” and when can we have “more than” back?
And Kevin McClure, an Oak Park reader, wants to know when flip-flopping became “walking it back,” and when can we have flip-flopping back?
And… .

QT Digest of National Rifle Association Newsletters (for Your Convenience):
+ “Gun shows: An American tradition.”
+ “Standing guard: Upholding the Constitution.
+ “19 shootings overnight in Chicago.”
No. Wait.
The last one wasn’t from an NRA newsletter.
Must not have had room for it.

QT Worldwide Man-Bites Dog Pinpoint Locator:
The dog days of summer are two weeks gone.
But Theodore Kloba, a Franklin Park reader, wants you to know that man bit a snake in Bardanga, Nepal.
The cobra bit the man first.
The man is OK.
The cobra is not.

News Headline: “Romney: Birth certificate remark just ‘a little humor.’ “
And why not have a good laugh at the crazies and racists in the birther movement?
Wait. What?
Mitt Romney wasn’t laughing at them?
He was laughing with them?
What do you think he’s hiding in his tax returns, anyway?

Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
A bank robber in Edmonds, Wash., disguised his face by putting a strip of duct tape across his nose, police said.

News Headline: “Romney 2012 smartphone app tracks users’ GPS location.”
News Headline: “Man following GPS drives into harbor.”
The two stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

QT Rules of Etiquette for Guys and Dolls:
+ It is a breach of etiquette to bring a cell phone to a formal ball.
+ Or wear a wristwatch.

News Headline: “The universe isn’t a fractal, study finds.”
QT Abridged Too Far Dictionary of the English Language:
fractal n. 1. a structure having an irregular shape at all scales of measurement between a greatest and smallest scale such that certain mathematical or physical properties of the structure behave as if the dimensions of the structure (fractal dimensions) are greater than the spatial dimensions. 2. Yeah, QT gave up, too.

K.S., a Memphis, Tenn., reader, regarding reports of assaults with a banjo and a ukulele, agrees with another reader that the attackers were looking for treble and wonders if they could be connected with earlier strings of assaults.

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Seven birthers will speak at the Republican National Convention.
+ The average political convention delegate generates four pounds of garbage a day.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: ”… upcoming season that will test his metal… ."
News Item: ”… that will test her metal like nothing else… ."
Not to be testy and meddle, but it is “mettle.”
A group of geese is a gaggle only if it is on the water, by the way.

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