But Comedian Nicky Margolis thinks the “Greatest City on Earth” (and the people in it) is being treated a little too delicately: So carefully as to almost be a child, unable to protect itself from the world. Read an excerpt below or listen above:
OK Mayor Bloomberg, we’re almost set to leave. Thank you again for agreeing to babysit our dear little New York City. Before we leave for the night, we have just a few more instructions for taking care of our precious little city.
Now you already know about his special dietary needs: no surgary drinks over 16 ounces and no trans fat — none! We would also like to add to the list no gluten, no peanuts, no dairy, no niacin just to be safe. And no eating anything that describes itself as marshmallow-y. It’s not a word, it shouldn’t be a food.
Also when he goes for a slice its now more of a strip. No one needs pizza that big. In this house, we fold our laundry, not our food. We are currently working on New York’s potty mouth; we know it’s a problem. We do not condone such embarassing behavior, however warranted the swearing may feel. And believe me — I’ve been there. Do you think I like standing behind the idiot who can’t see to walk and meanders everywhere? No, who walks like that? But still, I’m a lady about it.
Anyway, the point is is that we’ve implemented a city-wide swear jar initiative. There are swear jars placed conviently on every corner, on bus stops, on subway platforms, in delis, anywhere a TV is present. A quarter for each bad word will do. Any use of the “C word” will get an immediate five dollar fine and a five hour course in women’s studies.
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