QT Digest of the First Presidential Debate Transcript (for Your Convenience):
”… [Cheers, Applause]… [Laughter]… [Laughter]… [Chuckles]… [Laughter]… [Inaudible]… [Laughter]… [Laughter]… [Laughter]… [Laughter]… [Laughter]… [Inaudible]… [Laughter]… [Laughter]… . [Cheers, Applause].”
We must have had a better time than we thought.
News Headline: “In debate, Romney moderate stance belies earlier campaign.”
News Headline: “Chik-fil-A CEO: ‘We support Biblical families.”
For those who wondered where the polygamists eat.
News Headline: “New project aims to drill into Earth’s mantle.”
News Headline: “Drilling to the mantle: Could it cause a volcanic eruption?”
Nothing to worry about.
We’ll know soon enough.
News Headline: “Mitt Romney says he will kill Big Bird’s funding.”
Now let’s watch him tell Miss Piggy she is one of the 47 percent.
News Headline: “Almost-Eagle Scout denied award because he is gay.”
How does it go?
Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, Ignorant, Prejudiced… .
Kevin G. Barkes, a South Park, Pa., reader and proprietor of KGBReport.com, wants you to know that his Droid knows the correct spelling for “dilithium,” which he finds comforting.
News Headline: “Romney surrogate Sununu calls Obama ‘lazy and disengaged.’ “
News Headline: “Sununu has a habit of calling Obama ‘lazy.’ “
But he’d be the first to agree they are a very musical people.
QT News Presented Without Comment:
Oil companies have increased exploration for oil deposits made accessible by the Arctic melting caused by the climate change made worse by the products of the oil companies.
News Item: “Mitt Romney set a new debate record last night by lying 27 times in 38 minutes.”
A new debate record, maybe.
But was it a personal best?
News Item: ”… Earth is believed to gain over 1,000 tons each day from tiny meteorites… ."
But the planet carries it well.
News Headline: “Undecideds in focus group swing toward Romney.”
News Headline: “Post-debate focus group: Obama wins on likeability, economy, health care.”
Always keeping in mind that the first car design to come out of focus groups was the 1958 Edsel.
News Headline: “Man trampled by horses taken to hospital.”
News Headline: “Deputies searching for McKinnville man without medication.”
QT is just guessing, but maybe when the horses were taken to the hospital, they stole the deputies’ medication.
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Number of words in the transcript of the first 2012 presidential debate: 17,711.
+ Number of times the words “women” or “women’s” occur in the transcript: 0.
News Item: Physicists, noting part of quantum theory that suggests we change things by observing them, theorize we may have unwittingly hastened the end of the universe by observing it.
So the more people who pay attention to this presidential campaign, the better.
From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 430 years ago the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, causing Oct. 5 to become Oct. 15, meaning it was no longer this day in history, so never mind.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Headline: “Candidate complains primary winner was not a registered Democrat.”
News Headline: “Registered Republican shows support for Obama with bear hug.”
R.S., a Chicago reader, wants you to know there is no such thing as a registered Democrat or a registered Republican.
There are registered voters.
There are enrolled Democrats and enrolled Republicans.
While we are at it:
Regular readers of this column know that QT has special disapproval for people who use the phrase “the reason is because.”
+ Number of times President Obama said the phrase during the debate: 6.
+ Number of times Mitt Romney said the phrase during the debate: 1.
No question. Romney won the night.
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