2. If you could do anything else on this Saturday afternoon besides perform against your will in The Paper Machete, it would be...
Having a pint of ale at Owen & Engine with my wife. I just read about the English-style pub in a week-old copy of NewCity. Man, that paper has lost some weight, hasn't it? In comparison, it makes the Reader look like, I don't know, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie! Am I right? (Timely, and much appreciated, zing!)
3. In your entire schooling, what was the subject you in which you performed most poorly? Have you been required to demonstrate knowledge of that subject since?
Driver's Ed. Yes.
4. a) Name your favorite Kardashian or Haagen Dasz flavor, and give at least one sentence of explanation. b) Name your least favorite Kardashian or Haagen Dasz flavor, and give at least one sentence of explanation.
a.) My favorite Kardashian? I didn't know you could have a favorite Kardashian. I say Kotter. Kotter's my favorite, cause I made him up. He's the long-lost brother of the famous sisters, and he's such a gourd. He builds model miniature electric lawnmowers. He uses twisty straws. He's in constant contact with a fax-pal in Belarus.
b.) Least favorite Haagen Dasz flavor? Racist Sorbet.
5. As a member of the Chicago performance-art community, what lucrative career do you now wish you'd chosen to pursue instead?
Professional bocce player.
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