I’ve got a great idea - instead of killing a bunch of fish and possibly creating health problems from putting poison in local waterways, why don’t we try to kill two birds with one stone. Well, kill one bird…or invasive species. Yes, I say we do away with one of the species from Asia. We get a bag full of Asian Longhorned Beetles and we just dump them in the water. They go after the Asian carp. If they drown, well, at least they won’t hurt our trees anymore. If they succeed, we don’t have to worry about Lake Michigan. Now, that’s out of the box thinking. Army Corps of Engineering? I’m looking for consulting work. Other ideas on how to stop the Asian Carp:

• Call Lou Dobbs and get a nice anti-immigration rally going down at the ship canal. Maybe the Asian carp will be embarrassed from the hate-filled speech and will go back to the Missouri river, where it belongs.
• Have an Asian carp catch & release tournament.‚  But then, after the photos are taken, cheat the fish and don’t release it. It’s almost the same idea of telling deadbeat Dads that they won the lotto and they have to come to the police station to claim their winnings.
• Forget electric fences, let’s go one step further.‚  Holograms of Asian fisherman with nets saying “I’m taking you back home to that really polluted Yangtze river!!!”

And how bout three jokes that aren’t really that racist:

• Hey, we should let the Asian carp into Lake Michigan. You don’t know how hard they worked to get here.
• You know there are several carps from several areas of Asia. But you wouldn’t know that, because all Asian carp look alike to you.
• Instead of poison, dump applications for UC Berkley in the ship canal.

Okay, those were pretty bad. I got them from our resident Asian Susie An, so chill.