Each Friday afternoon, I give this sacred blog space to Alderman Ed Bus. The 53rd ward alderman has been in the Chicago City Council for over 40-45 years and is an avid follower of Chicago news, politics and gossip. He doesn’t have an outlet because his staff isn’t proficient in Google, so I give him this time. Enjoy.
Hello Chicago. What a week to be a legendary alderman, eh? There is so much happenin’ it’s making my head spin and my slacks bunch up. That’s not a sexual joke, my slacks bunch up all the time because they are ill-fitting around the knee.
I thought this week was going to be easy. I took the family up to the Dells for a quick indoor water park getaway, but then I start readin’ all the interweb chatter about my ward. Yeah, it turns out that the intersection of Damen, Elston and Fullerton is not my ward, instead it’s the 32nd ward. That’s Waguespack’s ward. Ugh. They redistricted me out in one week’s time and then put forth a plan to “fix” the famous intersection. What needs fixin? Everyone loves sittin’ in traffic there. It makes you a Chicagoan. Then you got somethin’ to complain about at awkward dinner conversations with your in-laws. You go ahead and fix that intersection? You are gonna be talking wit your daughter’s boyfriend about your feelings, or worse, politics. So I kept it purposefully crappy for you. You are welcome. But then comes along this independent superstar alderman who wants to make his political play on my turf. Are you serious kid? Are you gettin’ all Saddam Hussein on me here? Is the 53rd ward your Kuwait? I know I have a serious rule against using phones, but I had to call him. Here’s that conversation:
In other news, we killed bin Laden. Which, I take partial credit for. Back in 2003, I put forth a resolution in the hall sayin’ that ‘Chicago approves any killing of Osama bin Laden.’ No one paid attention to that part, all the media cared about was some zoning mumbo-jumbo I attached to it. Big deal.
I have a new ordinance I’m going to introduce for next week: If you are going to hold a summer festival, you cannot use those colorful wristbands anymore. Stamps only. I see those and I automatically think everyone around me has a contagious disease. And then I panic, leave and miss out on Vince Deguzio. And enough with the fancy food. Elephant ears and meatball sandwiches only.
Also, I heard there is a scavenger hunt in Hyde Park this weekend. Remember kids, scavenging is best left to the guys with pickup trucks who only drive in alleys. If I see any of you kids stealing scrap metal, we got problems.
I can’t believe Daley is leavin’. It still hadn’t hit me til we did our speeches at the hall on Wednesday. The media didn’t use my speech, they just all used clips of Burke and Reilly. Of course. That’s how it always goes down. But I thought my speech had a million great sound bites. Listen here:
And finally, you been seein’ my mug all over the TV today. I’m in the Walter E. Smithe Brothers commercial honoring da Mare. I didn’t know this was for broadcast. I thought I was directly talking to the mayor, like a wedding video. Little did I know that I would be montaged in a commercial with the former President of the United States and a bunch of no-name youngsters pancaked with TV makeup. Next time I want final say on who gets in: