Next time we can try iced tea

Next time we can try iced tea

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+ Mitt Romney when handed a glass of lemonade last week:
“Lemon. Wet. Good.”
+ Mitt Romney when asked again for details of his plan to improve national health care:
“Healthy. America. Good.”
Made the second one up.
Or maybe not.

News Item: . . . dyslexi a and other learning differences… ."
News Item: ”… autism and other learning differences… ."
The trend is to refer to learning disorders as “differences” because “disorder” is not a happy word.
This is coming from educators with teaching differences.

News Headline: “The overweight epidemic in America.”
News Headline: “Burglar gets stuck in chimney.”
News Headline: “Burglar gets stuck in roof vent.”
There is an upside to any story, if you look hard enough for it.

News Headline: “Panel weighs issue of illegals.”
News Headline: “Court weighs issue of corporate free speech.”
Our issues are probably overweight, too.
Just a guess.

QT Worldwide Man-Bites-Dog Pinpoint Locator:
As of the sixth dog day of summer, no new incidents of a man biting a dog have been reported.
In other dog news, a new line of Mitt for Mutts chew toys is outselling the Bow-Wow Barack line 2-to-1, in a polling result that is as meaningful as any at this point.
There are 33 dog days to go.

QT, by the way, asked its dog, Buddy the Wonder Dog, so named because all the neighbors wonder about him, for his preference in the presidential race.
No response.
But when asked to characterize the upcoming campaign, he answered: “Rough.”

News Headline: “The next airline fee: Pay more to get off a plane faster?”
Or as it might be put in these days of increasingly gracious air travel:
Hate to see you have to get off the plane very, very slowly.
How much is it worth to you to avoid getting off the plane very, very slowly?

News Headline: “Atlanta to consider smoking ban in parks.”
Good as far as it goes.
But the Taliban in Afghanistan managed a nationwide smoking ban six years ago.
So we’re still playing catch-up.

News Headline: “Top-secret USAF plane ends 15-month mission.”
News Headline: “USAF launches top-secret satellite.”
And we can add top secrets to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.

News Headline: “JPMorgan takes $2 billion hedge bath.”
News Headline: “JPMorgan’s losses may hit $5 billion.”
News Headline: “JPMorgan’s trading loss now $9 billion?”
News Headline: “JPMorgan banker loses company billions, takes home $21.5 million retirement package.”
The system works.

QT Summer Travel Advisory:
Chinese trains to Tibet feature karaoke.

Phil Halprin, a Schaumburg reader, regarding QT’s noting that the opening ceremonies of the XXX Summer Olympics will include XII horses, X chickens, IX geese and III sheep dogs, writes:
“I fail to see I partridge in a pear III.”
It’s not oIV yet.
QT urges everyI II watch here XL lVIIIest.
QT will stop now.

There are currently 1,210 Google hits for “tap-dancing militant Islamic fundamentalists.”
This is up 60 hits from two months ago, for those keeping track.

News Headline: “Jenny McCarthy accidentally sends nude photo to dentist.”
This is the first day of National Nude Recreation Week.
We can do better than this.

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Forty-five percent of Germans turn off their cell phones during sex.
+ Male honeybees explode after mating.

Today’s Birthdays: Kepler’s Mysterium Cosmographicum, 417; Sinatra’s “Learnin’ the Blues,” 57.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
News Item: ”… putting American citizens in eminent danger… ."
News Item: ”… buildings are in eminent danger of collapse… ."
News Item: ”… despite the eminent danger… ."
There are times when only the most distinguished of dangers will do.
The keeper of a bawdy house is a madam, not a madame, by the way.

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QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.