News Headline: “Obama’s Supreme Court health-care victory hard to overstate.”
But rest assured, we in the news media are working on it.
Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) on the Supreme Court health-care decision:
“Just because a couple of people on the Supreme Court declare something to be ‘constitutional’ does not make it so.”
Allow QT to grow nostalgic.
When QT was young, the Senate had its demagogues and even crooks.
But there weren’t any idiots.
News Item: Americans angry at government involvement in health care threaten to “move to Canada.”
And it takes a certain kind of voter to elect a certain kind of senator.
News Item: “House Democrats are bracing for defections during Thursday’s vote to hold Attorney General Eric Holder in contempt of Congress after the NRA announced it will be including the vote in its ‘future candidate evaluations.’ “
News Item: ”… an NRA spokesman said all 17 Democrats who voted for criminal contempt had previously received an ‘A’ grade from the organization… ."
Wait, wait, wait.
Now everyone will be saying the National Rifle Association has a number of Democrats ready to roll over like so many obedient dogs.
This isn’t fair.
Think of it as more of a sit-stay.
News Headline: “65 percent of Americans favor Obama to defend against space alien invasion, poll says.”
Well. Good. Finally getting back to the real issues.
News Headline: “FDA approves new weight-loss pill.”
The American solution for too much food?
Too many drugs.
R.H., a Niles reader, writes:
“While headed southbound on the Tri-State Tollway earlier this week, we encountered a sign that read: ‘Road Rehabilitation.’ When did road repairs become rehabilitations? Do they send the roads to the Betty Ford Clinic? We want our road repairs back.”
And Ron DeGrand, a Round Lake Beach reader, wants to know when the British Open become The Open, and when can we have the British Open back?
News Headline: “Catholicism and the Pill: Vatican pushes birth control.”
Whenever you see a reference to “birth control” in a news story, replace it with “the encyclical built for two.”
It makes the story more fun.
News Headline: “Louisiana school curriculum: Loch Ness monster proves creationism.”
News Headline: “U.S. schools behind in math, science, analysis says.”
But how many of those foreign children know the Earth is 6,000 years old?
QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:
An image of Jesus has been found in the peeling paint of a door at a Chinese takeout restaurant in Sunderland, England.
QT Modern Corporate Gibberish of the Week:
Intas is merging with Astron.
News Headline: “Republicans waging war on food stamps.”
News Headline: “Food stamp cuts could hit military members, veterans.”
Why do the Republicans hate our troops and America?
QT Early Warning System:
KFC is test-marketing in the Philippines a fried-chicken sandwich with cheese sauce under the top bun and a layer of melted cheese across the top of the bun.
From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Humanity weighs 316 million tons.
+ And doesn’t carry it well.
News Headline: “Lawsuit: Kim Kardashian a terrorist, had sex on tape while unicorn watched.”
There is probably an interesting story behind that.
From Poor QT’s Almanack:
Antoine de Saint-Exupery, who wrote, “A civilization is built on what is required of men, not on that which is provided for them,” was born 112 years ago on the 29th day of National Accordion Awareness Month.
QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
J.M., a Los Angeles reader, regarding QT’s noting that a group of hippopotamuses is called a bloat of hippopotamuses and then being informed that, etymologically speaking, it should be a bloat of hippopotamoi, at which point QT wondered what a group of etymologists should be called, writes:
“Easy. A bloat of etymologists.”
If your forte is pronouncing words correctly, by the way, be sure to pronounce “forte” to rhyme with snort.
Write to QT at firstname.lastname@example.org
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays